My Grandmother Is Praying To The Virgin: Receive Him

He spent the last days of his life on a bed. No laughing, no talking, just recurring to the past. Saying bye to places dear to him.

He was always afraid of death, but at the same time, he desperately wanted to leave.

He died slowly. He can now rest. He is now free.

Watching Him Fade Away- Part Four

I'll never forget today. I'll never forget how he stared at me. "That's Laura, do you see her?" "Hehh." That's all he says. Hehh. I simply can't believe it. I really can't. I can't accept it. I don't understand. That man in that hospital bed was once a stubborn man. A man who took us to the park whenever we asked him. A man who talked and talked about Mr. Moppin in every family reunion. Now all he says is "hehh." I look at him and his body doesn't belong to him. His pale white skin sticks to his bones and his eyes seem to pass right through you. I have the impression that he didn't recognize me. That look. I just can't accept it. He's not him. Please talk to me! Say something. Ask me how soccer is going. Ask me how many goals I scored and I'll tell you again I don't score any because I play defense. Tell me about Honda. Promise me we'll go back there. Grandpa please stand up. I'm so scared. Go back to being that stressful old man always arguing with my grandma about the stupidest things. I can't take it anymore. I wake up every morning and wonder if you'll wake up. I think about it all the time. I'm so scared to see you, because I'm scared it will be the last time. How will I know when the time will come? What if I can't say goodbye?
I now understand why cancer is such a difficult disease. I hate it so much. It kills the soul before it kills the body. I'm so shocked. I can't believe that's my grandpa. He still looks like him, but he's not him. That man must remember who he was before. I can't imagine how difficult that can be. He knows he once was strong, but he can't do anything about it. No one can. All we can do is wait. How awful is that. Just wait.

I hate it. With passion.

Watching Him Fade Away- Part One

I don't want to write this after he dies. I don't want this to be a piece of writing I'll read to remember him. I want to write this right now, while he's still alive. That way it will keep him in the present forever.
In one year I've changed my mind about him so much. My whole life I saw him as this funny stubborn old grandpa. He did what he wanted when he wanted, ignoring what my grandmother said. But this wasn't bad. It was funny.
I live with him since I was a baby. He's a big part of my life. He would serve warm chocolate on a plate and give it to me with a spoon while my grandmother made tight braids out of my hair. I think that's why I always associated sweet things with him and strict things with her. Now, things have changed. My grandmother keeps her strict reputation, but now, he produces a bittersweet feeling inside me.
I still remember that spoon full of chocolate tremble while he picked it up. He always had a problem with his trembling hands. I think he made a big effort not to spill the chocolate. It was different at lunch time. He would dip his spoon into the soup and spill most of it as it got to his mouth. My sister and I would secretly laugh at this. It was entertaining to see his hand tremble quickly from side to side, spilling everything as it moved towards his face. When his spoon touched the porcelain dish, it would make a tinkling sound, like a bell. He used to eat a lot. When my grandmother wasn't looking, my sister and I would give him what we didn't want to eat. He would smile mischievously and eat it.
He was the best grandpa for us. He would spoil us all the time, taking my cousin, sister and I to the park. Before we could leave, we always had to look for his lost cane. He was always losing it, getting frustrated all the time. It was usually hung in the window beside his desk, where a deck of cards and a smell of cigarettes always remained.
The walk to the park was nice. The clinking of the cane with the floor changed with time. First he used wooden canes. I loved them, so antique and nicely made. They never made a sound when they hit the ground. Lucas, our beagle would munch on them, leaving teeth marks. He then changed to a metal cane. I didn't like this one that much, but it was a lot more fun to play with. You could re adjust it's height, even though this always got him upset.
The wooden canes were forgotten by the adults. My cousin, sister and I would use the wooden canes when we went to the street. We took them for safety measures. We fantasized about hitting thieves with them while we walked. Three little girls with their grandfather's wooden canes. I bet we looked pretty ridiculous.
The metal cane made a huge amount of noise when it touched the floor. You knew when my grandfather was taking his daily walks around the house because of the sound of the cane. Step, cane. Step, cane. Through the kitchen, into the living room. The wooden tablets on the living room floor make a lot of noise. Step, cane. Step, cane. He walked through the hall, into the study room. The metal door knob of the study room door would make an unforgettable, trembling, metal noise when he closed it.

He went from those silent beautiful wooden canes, to the metal noisy one, to a quiet, depressing wheelchair. The cane is still around, but it doesn't make any noise anymore.

Simple

Want to see the past?

Just look at the stars.

Animal Trial

Poor pigs. Most people blame them for the swine flu that has killed around 6,394 people. It's not like a pig in Mexico planned this. Now, the poor pigs are being pushed aside. According to wikipedia, "despite its origin in pigs, this strain is transmitted between people and not from swine to people." That means that if you touch a pig, you are not exposing yourself to a terrible pandemic flu. Apparently people don't want to understand this. On April 29 of this year, the Egyptian government ordered to slaughter all pigs in Egypt. Seriously? Why don't you go ahead and slaughter the people that have swine flu too? Since pigs can't talk or defend themselves, you just go on killing them. What an ignorant decision.
This isn't the first time pigs are judged unfairly. I found an article in The New York TImes written in 1897 called "Proceedings Against a Pig". It starts off with: "The animal which most frequently came before the criminal courts was the pig." Then it talks about this case in France where a pig killed a child and ate part of his face and arm. The pig's snout and leg were cut off before it was hung. You could say this is poetic justice; the pig eats the child's face and arm, go ahead and cut his snout and leg. But not only did they torture the pig. They dressed him in human clothes before the execution. How ridiculous is this! According to the New York Times article, around twenty cases similar to this one have been recorded in France.
There are two things that really piss me off about this. First of all, it's not like the pig carefully developed a plan to kill the child. We're always hearing things like animals can't tell from right or wrong. They have no soul. Well, then I don't see how this pig could possible be guilty. Not only did this pig have no soul. He had no voice either. There was no way he could defend himself. Even gruesome murderers have a lawyer defending them. And those murderers actually knew what they were doing! That leads me to the second thing that really bugs me. How can a guilty disgusting man who rapes and kills children be out of jail after twenty-five years, while a pig who didn't act on purpose be tortured, humiliated and hung? SERIOUSLY! What's wrong with our system?

Zero Scuttlebutt

I heard Indran Amirthanayagam once say "it's not a finished conversation if it remains in your journal." This blog arose from that comment.

Facts, articles, opinions and of course, zero scuttlebutt!